I quite often notice people, mostly my self having delusions of grandeur, at least that’s what I call it. Been suffering from it again lately.
It covers up the hurt I am still trying to deal with. Just can’t seem to put 60 years of wanting to be a cowgirl behind me and the feeling I’ve been ripped out of my mother”s arms.
She”s still nearby, my mother prairie and all of nature. I just can’t seem to justify what once were the long days in her company. I hang out for an hour or so but it’s just selfish time, I’m not really accomplishing anything, well no work anyway.
The latest delusion is that I could get a job as graphic designer I saw advertised. I just realized that I have been so distracted by all this rotten self pity that my portfolio isn’t up to snuff and there is so much technical stuff I have toyed with but not mastered.