Delusions

I quite often notice people, mostly my self having delusions of grandeur, at least that’s what I call it. Been suffering from it again lately.

It covers up the hurt I am still trying to deal with. Just can’t seem to put 60 years of wanting to be a cowgirl behind me and the feeling I’ve been ripped out of my mother”s arms.

She”s still nearby, my mother prairie and all of nature. I just can’t seem to justify what once were the long days in her company. I hang out for an hour or so but it’s just selfish time, I’m not really accomplishing anything, well no work anyway.

The latest delusion is that I could get a job as graphic designer I saw advertised. I just realized that I have been so distracted by all this rotten self pity that my portfolio isn’t up to snuff and there is so much technical stuff I have toyed with but not mastered.

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Maybe if I had a laptop I could work on that out on the prairie. Delusions, sometimes there is comfort on them.

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4 responses to “Delusions

  1. Get the job and put part of your salary toward a four or five acre place that will be a happier home for all of you and a retirement place in the years to come.

  2. Patience is the hardest virtue…. and trust in Him, he knows the longings of your heart.

  3. You will find your calling! It has to be very hard, and I sure wish you luck!

  4. Cowgirl — just wait on the Lord. Psalm 20:4 — a door will open & you won’t see it coming. He is faithful.

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